Start With the Relationship
As athletes enter adolescence, the support that worked in childhood may begin to feel controlling. Teens need increasing ownership while still relying on adults for safety, logistics, perspective, and emotional support.
The goal is not to disappear or to manage every detail. It is to shift from director to consultant—available, interested, and appropriately involved.
What You Can Do This Week
- Let the teen communicate routine questions directly to coaches.
- Include them in scheduling, equipment, and goal decisions.
- Respect growing privacy while remaining attentive to safety and wellbeing.
- Expect interests and priorities to change as identity develops.
Helpful Conversation Starters
- Try: “Which parts of sport do you want to manage more independently?”
- Try: “When do you want advice, and when do you mainly want me to listen?”
- Try: “Do your current goals still feel like your own?”
These prompts are intentionally open-ended. Ask one, then leave enough quiet space for your child to answer without being corrected, coached, or rushed.
Signs That More Support May Be Needed
- Adults continue speaking for the teen in every interaction.
- The teen feels unable to change goals without disappointing the family.
- Sport crowds out healthy friendships, school engagement, or identity exploration.
One difficult day is normal. A repeated pattern across several weeks deserves a calm conversation with your child and, when appropriate, their coach, school counsellor, physician, or another qualified professional.
The Parent's Role
Growing independence can feel uncomfortable, but it is a sign of development. Stay connected while allowing your teen to become the owner of their experience.
You do not need to have every answer. Your most valuable contribution is being a steady adult who listens, protects perspective, and reminds your child that their worth never depends on a roster spot, statistic, or final score.